F/X A BRASS BAND PLAYS A VERY SHORT ‘ON ILKLA MOOR BAHT’ ‘AT’
SCENE. ETX. TWO LATE FIFTY SOMETHING NEIGHBOURS TALKING OVER THE
GARDEN FENCE
JUNE: eEEEEh what about that new thingy mi bob, Val?
VAL: Rampant Rabbit?
JUNE: oooow no Val (Looks around) not that (Giggles) no, that new facial recognition thingy they’re going to roll out
VAL: Hope they give me one
JUNE: Why you?
VAL: So I can recognise Trev’s face agen, I’ve only seen the back of his head during furlough. All he ever does is watch that chuffin telly.
JUNE: Yeah, same with my Ted. Loves the history channel he does
VAL: Trev’s the same. He listens to Adolf Hitler more than he listens to what I’ve got to say
JUNE: They’ve spent billions on inventing that facial thingy mi bob
VAL: Yeah well, waste of money if you ask me
JUNE: How come?
VAL: Folk wearing face masks these days cause of the virus, the machines won’t know who it is from Adam
JUNE: Oh yeah, I never thought of it like that, you are clever, Val
VAL: (Eyes roll to the right) Won’t be a waste of money on next door though, what with all the new faces going in and out of there
JUNE: (Giggles) covers her mouth
VAL: She won’t have a smart meter cause she still likes her meters read
JUNE: What, she still likes them taken down?
VAL: As well as the meter readings
JUNE: oooow I say
VAL: Lecci and gas board goin’ in and out shake it all about do the hokey cokey (Winks)
JUNE: Checkin’ her utilities?
VAL: No doubt they do.
JUNE: Ooow I wonder if my utilities want checkin’ out?
VAL: (Looks down at June’s chest) I wouldn’t bother if I was you, June
TREV: Vaaaaaaaaaal how much longer is this washin’ machine on for only smart meter’s running faster than Usain Bolt
VAL: I’m going to look on Ebay for an electric chair for him and see how the lecci bill racks up then?
JUNE: (Giggles) oooow you are funny, Val
VAL: Hi, ya ‘ave to be living with him. You take care June love, catcha later.
TREV: Vaaaaaaaal
VAL: ( Stomps off) I’M COMIN’ KEEP YA CHUFFIN’ HAIR ON
F/X A BRASS BAND PLAYS A VERY SHORT ‘ON ILKLA MOOR BAHT’ ‘AT’
