SCENE. 1 INT./DAY
SET: KITCHEN
TWO DIVORCEES.
KAREN 40 YEARS OLD A LARGE BUXOM WOMAN WITH PURPLE HAIR
SUE 40 YEARS OLD SKINNY WITH BLEACHED HAIR
KAREN STANDS BEHIND THE KITCHEN TABLE. TABLE LITTERED WITH STRING, RIBBON,
SCISSORS, SELLOTAPE, A POT OF GLUE, BOTTLE OF WINE AND GLASSES
F/X: A RADIO PLAYING CHRISTMAS CAROLS (QUIETLY)
SET: KITCHEN
TWO DIVORCEES.
KAREN 40 YEARS OLD A LARGE BUXOM WOMAN WITH PURPLE HAIR
SUE 40 YEARS OLD SKINNY WITH BLEACHED HAIR
KAREN STANDS BEHIND THE KITCHEN TABLE. TABLE LITTERED WITH STRING, RIBBON,
SCISSORS, SELLOTAPE, A POT OF GLUE, BOTTLE OF WINE AND GLASSES
F/X: A RADIO PLAYING CHRISTMAS CAROLS (QUIETLY)
SUE: Hello sweetheart, I’ve let myself in
KAREN: (Drunk) Oh com’ in ya tart. . . hic
SUE: Chuffin ‘ell I see you’ve been busy?
KAREN: With thish. . . hic?
(Points to her handy work)
(Points to her handy work)
SUE: Erm no, with the wine
KAREN: (giggles) Do ya want a drop?
SUE: By the looks of it that’s all I’ll get
(Karen places another bottle of red wine on the table and winks)
(Karen places another bottle of red wine on the table and winks)
KAREN: Here’s one I made earlier (giggles and pours wine into a glass for Sue)
(Sue points to Karen’s handy work)
SUE: Who’s the daddy to that then
KAREN: Thish my friend. . . is a (finding it difficult to get the word out) kite
SUE: Are you sure?
KAREN: I shirtenly am (belches) whoops. solly (gulps) sorry
SUE: (Picks up the kite) What have you used, that’s not paper?
KAREN: (proud) It’s made out of my knickers, Shoo
(Sue drops the kite)
(Sue drops the kite)
SUE : A big kite then (laughs) are ya sure it’s not a hang glider?
KAREN: Hey! I can go off folk ya know
SUE: Aye, but will it get off the ground?
KAREN: I’ve every con con confi-dence hic
SUE: That ‘ill be a first, your knickers are hardly ever off the ground
(laughs)
(laughs)
KAREN: Hey! sheeky. . . hic. . . am goin’ to take it to the park and you
never know I might catch a man
never know I might catch a man
SUE: You’ll catch two men more like.
Karen sweetheart I don’t want to disappoint you, but it’s more like
a flying clothes horse
Karen sweetheart I don’t want to disappoint you, but it’s more like
a flying clothes horse
KAREN: I’ll have you know Shoo, shit’s (struggling for the words)
it’s aero-dy-namic, love
it’s aero-dy-namic, love
SUE: Your knickers were always aerodynamic when they flew across the
bedroom (giggles)
bedroom (giggles)
KAREN: (pleased with ones self) I robbed the Christmas tree
(places finger to her lips)
ssshhhh don’t tell the tree (giggles)
Hic, look, it’s got a long tail. . . and two big Sparkly baubles
dangling on the end to give it. . . to give it. . .coun-ter bal-lance and
give it maximummm per-for-mance.
(places finger to her lips)
ssshhhh don’t tell the tree (giggles)
Hic, look, it’s got a long tail. . . and two big Sparkly baubles
dangling on the end to give it. . . to give it. . .coun-ter bal-lance and
give it maximummm per-for-mance.
SUE: (We see a quick flashback to one of Sue’s one night stand’s
displaying his charms and there is an expression of amazement
on her face)
Blimey! That was a gob full, Karen
displaying his charms and there is an expression of amazement
on her face)
Blimey! That was a gob full, Karen
KAREN: (swaying) Washit. . . hic
SUE: What I want t’ know is why a kite of all things?
KAREN: Shit’s (giggles waves her hand) I meant Shoo love, it’s on my bucket
shist . . .hic. . . list
shist . . .hic. . . list
SUE: (takes list from her) Ya silly cow
KAREN: Moooooooooow (Giggles, breaks wind and then laughs out loud)
SUE: (stabbing the paper with her finger) It says bake a cake, not make a kite.
KAREN: Sheally? (Giggles)
Really? am sure it said make a klite. Oh Shoo love. . . hic. . . what am I like? (laughs like a hyena)
Really? am sure it said make a klite. Oh Shoo love. . . hic. . . what am I like? (laughs like a hyena)
SUE: Didn’t you have ya glasses with ya you drucken tart?
KAREN: (holds up and waves three empty glasses of wine)
Of course I did.
(laughs uncontrollably, stumbles backward grabbing the kite and falls, disappearing from view. Sue watches the baubles tangle with her glass of red wine tossing it into the
air its contents splashing all over the table)
Of course I did.
(laughs uncontrollably, stumbles backward grabbing the kite and falls, disappearing from view. Sue watches the baubles tangle with her glass of red wine tossing it into the
air its contents splashing all over the table)
SUE: (Once again we see a quick flashback to Sue’s one night stand embarrassingly never making it to his conquest and Sue with a disapprovingly look on her face)
(Sighs) What a waste
(Sighs) What a waste
