In order to cement a post-Brexit UK-US trade deal Prime Minister Boris Johnson
attends Donald Trump’s Halloween party at The White House

Trump: I sure love Halloween parties. The darkness, the creatures of the night and skeletons in the closet and that’s not just Hilary Clinton’s parties ha ha

Boris; Yes, quite, do you like my headless man’s costume, Donald?

Trump: No need to call me Donald just call me Mr President.

Boris: Yes, certainly Donald, no, I mean Mr President, yes yes Mr President you are, erm
Mr President, of course.

Trump; You look like a Gard damn headless chicken?

Boris: Um, yes, I’ve heard my country say that about me during this terrible pandemic. It
means strength and leadership. Top hole.

Trump: Turkey?

Boris; Of course, Turkey, just like those Mexico chaps, you should build another wall to stop the Turks coming into America. My government has just given £13 million to a building company to build a wall in the middle of the English Channel. And may I say we will make those Mexico chaps pay for it. Spiffing.

Trump: We Americans prefer Turkey to a chicken it’s a bigger bird, Boris?

Boris; May I have this opportunity to say how halloweenish you look. Fat and orange.

Trump; Yeah, Melania chose the pumpkin costume, she told me I’m the best pumpkin in the
whole world and the colour complements my skin.

HIGH PITCH SCOTTISH VOICE: Hubble bubble we’re all in trouble. Cases aren’t going down so
we must have a wee Lockdown.

Trump; Oh my Gard who’s the witch?

Boris; That is Scotland’s first minister, Nicola Sturgeon.

Trump; Poor Scotland and my golf course.

Boris; Look over there Mr President there’s my Health Secretary Count Vaxxer.

Trump; He’s a count?

Boris; Um, yes, I believe the those ghastly anti vaxxers do call him that, BUT, the count wants to vaccinate every person in the UK. He told the UK not to be fearful, they will
only get a little prick.

Trump; Those Gard damn Russians have got a video tape on him too?

Trump; Good Gord what’s that horrible thing over there, what a horrible mask he’s wearing?

Boris; Crumbs, he’s not wearing a mask Mr President that’s Michael Gove

Trump; The Trotskys, Boris?

Boris; Gosh, it must have been the bat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches from the
buffet? If you are desperate for a poffle Mr President, it’s over there at the Brexit sign,
first on the right.

Trump; No, not the restroom Boris, the Trotskys? Look over there, the Gard damn Russians are here?

Boris; Gadzooks, I see, point taken, it’s Putin and the Trotskys.

Trump; He’s come to the party has a Russian Vodka bottle?

Boris; He’s come has a spirit ha ha ha top hole

Trump; Look over there there’s my special friend Nigel Farage, who won Brexit single handily. I love Nigel he’s my kind of guy. He’s the -

Boris; Crikey, look over there there’s an ancient mummy?

Trump; Ha ha, I see Joe Biden’s arrived late to the party.


Boris; Gadzooks. Sorry Mr President I must leave, now, straight away, this minute.

Trump; Leave? You can’t leave the greatest Halloween Party in America?

Boris; It’s this new NHS Health App. It says I’ve been standing next to a contagious virus and I must self isolate for two weeks AND go for my eyes checked at Barnard Castle

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